Awake in the Dream

  "Tips, tricks and techniques are not at the heart of education-fire is...Not merely the facts, not merely the theories, but a deep knowing of what it means to kindle the gift of life in ourselves, in others, and in the world. -Paker J Palmer in "Radical Presence" By Mary Rose O'Reilly "It's time that I have a say in how I am educated and it's NOT Waldorf. Maybe when I was in kindergarten but I'm not a baby anymore and it's bullshit." My nine year old son and I are in the hammock together in our backyard, the hot July sun is pouring through our fruit trees and piercing us through the dappled shade. His blue eyes convey a deep and earnest truth, that school as he has known it has never ever been something that he has enjoyed. It took us three open houses to get him into the the Waldorf kindergarten room when he was five. He hid behind trees on the beautiful, 13 acre campus, sobbing and full of anxiety. When we landed in the classroom, with i...

  "Seldom seen, growing along the ocean floor, the white-plumed anemone is a watery blossom. It is white lace opening as if bathed in the sun, while so far from the sun. This is the trick to staying well, isnt it: to feel the sun even in the dark. To not lose the truth of things when they go out of view. To grow just the same. To know there is still water, even when we are thirsty. To know that there is still love, even when we are lonely. To know there is still peace, even when we are suffering. None of this invalidates our pain but only strengthens our way back into the light." Mark Nepo The weight of this time is felt so internally for me. The south node of the moon is in Scorpio all year and it is stirring up shadow. All of our secrets and the murky underbelly of past transgressions are up front and center. It's unbearable really. I have never felt like writing less in my entire life. I feel like I am choking on my own bullshit and even then I know that this is all pa...

 After over two years of pandemic life I finally succumbed to Covid. After consuming more sugar on my birthday than I had in years, my normally robust but now suppressed immune system didn’t have the gumption to fight off the exposure. My body ached intensely and I copped a raging headache. I felt bizarre like I couldn’t focus my eyes on anything. Yesterday I spent the day in bed with a 101 degree fever and could barely stand without getting dizzy. Thank God for screen time and my child’s ability to feed himself.  Ibuprofen was the medicine that saved the day and gave me the ability to shower and tend to my child and home. Today I still have a slight fever and a slight cough. It has been decades since I succumbed to this kind and of illness and I appreciate being humbled quite honestly. Covid is something we are all going to experience. I hold the opinion that this virus did not occur naturally in nature, not based on the way it feels in my body. It has teeth, even the less vi...

"Become what the heart asks of you." The ovulatory period of a woman's cycle is absolutely unparalleled in its power and scope to be a creative powerhouse of hormonal enhancement. Taking hormonal birth control robs one of this magical time of the month and one of the most important decisions of my life was getting off  of the pill at age 27.  The past 15 years have been illuminating to say the least.  Last month my precious creative ovulatory force was spent being angry. I created an entire Instagram page to ranting against bullshit that I did not agree with. I quickly deferred to my better angels, took down the page and had a good scream and cry in the privacy and sanctity of nature. I still have plenty to be pissed off about but every moment is a choice and I'm choosing to alchemize instead of stew. This month leading up to Eclipse season, I am absolutely flooded with inspiration. My kitchen is my creation station and I have been cooking and baking up a storm. There...

 “ A loving heart can handle the world.” Khalil Gibran The end of Pisces season had me treading water in all of my past regrets. Every hedonistic tendency wanted to be expressed and every rumination had me frozen with shame and sorrow. My life has been so blessed and I have also insisted on stumbling through it my own way, shunning ALL advice from my elders and peers. I am a 3/5 profile in Human Design and this means I am destined to run off the cliff to see what it feels like and learn through direct experience. Today that feels brutal. I am masterfully adept at manipulation and control. It is staggering really what I am capable of and to unravel those tendencies into a softer, more raw version of myself feels so terrifying that I don't quite know where to begin. There is a very quiet voice who whispers that I don't have to do it alone. That healing is not done in a vacuum and that I get to ask for help. That's something I am not practiced in, and my ego tells that side of...

  "Thank You For Being Us."  Those words, stitched in colorful cloth banners, have greeted all who enter the front gates every July for decades, reminding us that inside the eight we are welcome, accepted and connected. Like so many generations, I grew up going to Fair. I have gone from being a barefoot toddler with dusty feet on the path to holding my own baby in my arms while dancing at the drum tower. The Fair is in my bones and I hold it and my Fair Family deep and tenderly in my heart.  When I was made aware of your Facebook post from November, which has since been removed, stating that proof of vaccination will be required to be on the site as of January 1rst, I was crestfallen and completely flummoxed.  While I respect the size of the event that you are organizing and acknowledge the unprecedented challenge that a global pandemic presents in holding such an event, I am confused about the logic that led you to this decision. Vaccinated ...