Awake in the Dream

I could never have imagined before you entered the world the gaping wonder enormous challenge and breathless joy you have brought into my life.  The fire of your being has brought me face to face with my own rage, grief and shortcomings. For what is more humbling than  motherhood? Who else could have ripped me open and  revealed to me the depths of my own soul? May I go forward through the sticky, raucous halls of boyhood in humble awe of the  Sacred Charge that has been given to me in all of its messy glory. What a gift to be your mama.

" Enjoy that which you create. Wonder at your ability to draw and generate all experiences, whether you label them positive or negative." 9D Pleiadian Collective  Last week I wrote a post about my long, dysfunctional relationship with alcohol and my journey to sobriety. Because of the subject matter, I wanted it to reach a larger audience than my blogs usually reach. The online sober community was a huge reason for my success in leaving booze behind, and I was hoping that my experience would inspire someone. An average of six people read my blogs each week. (I LOVE YOU ALL THANK YOU!) I reached out to family last week and asked them to share my recent blog on their Facebook pages. I just checked to see how many people have read that post and it is well over 300. WOW!  THAT is the power of social media. Incredible.  I bought myself flowers last week to celebrate my soberversary and they are currently on my kitchen table, a bright and beautiful reminder of the overall vital...

"Sobriety is where you become who you truly are." Glennon Doyle  Two years ago today I stopped drinking alcohol. I was almost 39 years old and it was the decision that began my journey back to myself. Mine is not a story of 12 steps or one day at a time. I do not have a rock bottom to speak of (or perhaps my rock bottom was not the catalyst). I was ready, that's it. I was SO ready to be done drinking alcohol that I did and I didn't look back.  But it was a journey to get to that point. A long journey full of many stops and starts and shame spirals. I am so grateful for alcohol. It has been one of my greatest teachers. Its tentacles no longer tickle my temptation receptors, but I do see it for the very powerful  substance that it is, and I respect it. Aside from motherhood, nothing else has left me so humbled. Thankfully, motherhood is much more fulfilling than drinking. It was motherhood, ultimately, that led me to hear, with more clarity, the whispering voice of my s...

"Attention is a limited resource, so pay attention to where you pay attention." Howard Rheingold Seven days ago I walked into a Verizon store and bought the only flip phone that they had for sale. It was located in the very back corner away from all of the modern, shining screens. Judging by the size of the keys it is built for someone about 20 years my senior. Judging by the reaction of the sales associate, there are not many people these days that are making the choice I am making. "We're not all as brave as you." said the lady who checked me out. I laughed. I don't think it's brave, but it does seem to be a radical act in 2021. I can tell you that I don't regret my decision and that I have created a spaciousness in my life that I have not known for a very long time. It's quiet, really quiet and I love it. I read more, ALOT more in fact and I don't feel the urge to look at my phone during the process. I take books with me to the park, I loo...