I don’t know


“ Have the courage to transcend the comfort zone of others approval.
Your process of transformation from the unreal to the real will confuse others, annoy them and even piss some off. Do what is necessary to liberate your consciousness. Even if it means losing people.” Maryam Hasnaa


I spend my days in prayer and ritual.

The ritual of meal preparation and school lessons. Lego towers and trampoline bounces. Reading out loud and singing lullabies. These can also be prayers.

For real.

I am intentionally making my life more sacred by acknowledging the sacred in all things. I want to connect with people who are in integrity, walking their talk, dreaming the new world and breathing her into existence through heart centered right action.

Today I found myself performing. For a mom at the park whom I knew from my son’s school. Saying the things I thought she wanted to hear. Letting my ego take the wheel with no space for true communion. It’s what we do isn’t it? It’s how we are programmed, it’s the dance of keeping up appearances. Making small talk. I used to do it without thinking and I still go through the motions like before.

But now it feels like chewing cotton. I want to spit it out and talk about your soul’s longing. That’s the meat. That’s the juicy center. All else feels insufferable. Is this what old eccentrics feel like? The hermit artist type who hates society?

Or am I the insufferable one?

I don’t know.

The only thing I do know is that I know very little. 

Slowly but slowly, by the grace of God, I’m learning.

And that’s the tea. For now...





Comments

  1. Marie21 January 2021 at 11:12

    Yes, and it's so ongoing. I used to think "Oh my God, isn't there an end to it?" All this transforming, recognizing the cotton mouth, knowing the sacred and losing it in a moment, back and forth, keep on transforming. All I can do now is accept that and try not to resist the flow, the changes... I feel you deeply and love what I see. You are doing a sacred task. For me all IS sacred, even the orange clown who showed us so much of our collective darkness and gave us a chance to acknowledge it and DO BETTER. Yes that's a BIG stretch... So thankful that we are getting a break now at least. I can breathe again... Onward into not knowing... Big hugs.

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