Cancer Season Ramblings

 The ocean is on fire. Humans are still sleeping. This morning is cool and cloudy and it feels like a gift, one I receive so gratefully. My water offering in the garden, the one I put out in the scorched evening of the heatwave, has long since been tipped over. Every drop used for survival. "Offerings, offerings, what good are they if we cannot use them?" say the creatures of the Earth, say the spirits of soil and ether. And still I feed the sacred. Clumsily, like a bow legged toddler, my monkey mind still racing as my spirit guides me forward. 

My father in law had a stroke and the same day my friend gave birth. He is ok. She is ok. Life goes on, and always ends. There was no dew on the grass as I lay down on it's morning blades, doing breathwork under the sky. I put gas in my car as the ocean burned. I felt sad, I felt grateful. I walked into the store without mask and smiled so big. There is still so much fear in the air. That is by design, I am certain of it. I still think our liberation is imminent, but we must choose it. We can only liberate ourselves.

Every day I pray. Every day I let go of my own desires and give them to God, in a faith still so green and raw it blisters and withers under the light of truth. I can see that I must dig deeper and tend to the soil of my soul.  Every day I yell and cry and react and judge. Humble and learning am I. Fragile and hollow in my humanity. I have no idea how to be. I have no idea who the fuck I am. I have no idea how to be a mother to my child as he rages and despairs. "I am a child and I am learning and I am loved" is the mantra I tell him to say over and over. Over and over,. Over and over...but what do I say to myself?

Speak the Truth and live from you heart. 

Jump off the cliff and trust.

The time is now. The time is now. The time is now. 

The ocean is burning. The Earth is revolting. This is just the beginning. 

The only way out is in.

We must return to Love.